Sunday, February 19, 2006

Killing Dreams, Killing a future.

Are you a dream killer or a dream supporter?
If someone has a dream and you constantly finds ways to undermine it, then you just might be killing the potential of their future.

Let's take little Eddie down the street. He wants to learn to play the guitar and be a rock star. So he goes out and cuts lawns, rakes leaves and anything else he can find to earn a buck. His room is filled with music magazines and books to feed his mind. Finally he has enough money to go to the pawn shop and get that guitar he has had his eye on. It's nothing fantastic or grand, but it like he, has potential. Eddie spends hours learning how to play it in his room. At first his parents think it is neat he is working so hard at it. Then comes the day that THEY decide for him that he needs to pursue something else. Something more to their liking. So now they begin telling him that he is spending way to much time playing the guitar.
Now when ever he picks it up to play, they bang on the wall telling him to turn that racket down.He wants to go to the school for the arts but they tell him he should set his sights on something else. They've already picked out his future for him and guide him that way. The guitar to them is a fantasy,something for personal entertainment only. Whenever his mother sees it she puts it in a closet or hides it behind the couch. It is something that should be hidden away in her thinking. Out of sight out of mind his father says. Eddie tries to talk about music to them but they change the subject to something more towards their liking.
His father tells him that an engineering job has great potential. Why, he himself always wanted to be an engineer but his own father wanted him to learn the plumbing business.
Their dream for him and his life is more important than his own dreams and desires.
So, Eddie goes on to the school of his parents direction and winds up with a job he hates.He has pleased his parents to no end and they brag about his fine house and car.
Eddie is depressed and walks the world a zombie like so many others that have had their paths chosen and guided for them. His own children learn of his guitar playing youth but his parents chime in at how he just gave it up for some unknown reason.

"Why did you stop playing the guitar anyway?" His mother asks.
His father says "Why yes son. Why did you? You were getting so good at it. Maybe you should get your own son involved in it and give him the push he needs."

Eddie just looks at them with is mouth agape. Then he announces "My son wants to be a skateboard champion pop. He practices all the time and even earned the money to buy it in the first place. You should see him. He's really good at it."

"Oh. But there is no future in that Eddie. That is just a pipe dream. No future at all when he becomes a man. But music, now there is a good future. All sorts of good ways to earn a living in that." His parents tell him.

Eddie and his brother, Alex, get together now and again and talk about their youthful days playing their own music. Music that the world would never hear. After some talking, Eddie decides to look into some musical arts schools for his son.
He begins to find ways to guide his son away from the dead end skateboarding thing. The next day he comes in and sees the skateboard just inside the back door. He slides it behind the golf clubs in the entryway closet.

"Out of site, out of mind he thinks."

Do you know someone with a dream all of their own? Why not help them nuture it along by giving support and help in their own dream and not yours. Don't find upteen million reasons why it won't work out. It's their life and their dream so get behind them. Not in front of them! Whether it is your child, wife or husband or even brother and sister. Give support in their dream. Don't demand or expect that what you wish for is good for them as well.

One day you'll be able to say " I'm so proud of him/her. He/she knew just what they wanted and went for it. I gave them nothing but support, after all, my own dream was derailed and I've always resented that fact to some degree."

The boy playing football. Is that his dream or his fathers?
The girl taking dance lessons or modeling. Is that her dream or her mothers?
Do you tell your daughter that riding a motorcycle is unlady like?
Are you telling your son that his acting is a deadend gig and to hard to get into.

Shame on you then. Shame on all of you.


Anonymous said...

Hey Wooley! I hope that your dreams have not been squelced. If you have a dream that wasn't finished that could possibly be finished now, what would it be?

WooleyBugger said...

Well anonymous, to either get my Panhead together or buy a running Shovelhead and take that lifelong trip to the great state of Montana while launching my motorcycle magazine empire.
But mostly to take that ride to Montana via Motorcycle.

Anonymous said...

Hey W.B.
This is an area that I have more than a little experience with. My Dad pretty much stepped on every dream I ever had. No that will never work, no that will fail, what are you crazy trying something like that, you're wasting your money. That's why I go out of my way to encourage the dreams of my own son. I want him to feel like a winner instead of a loser. I felt like a loser alot. I pressed on with my dreams regardless of what my told me. Some worked out, some didn't. Thats' the way life is supposed to be. So anyone who reads Wooley's words, He could not be more right.

WooleyBugger said...

I'm sorry your father did that to you. The plus side is that you are able to see it and make sure you don't repeat it with your own son.

It's not just parents who do this to their children but also spouses to one another, friends to friends and sometimes-- even coaches and teachers to students.

I myself had a phys ed coach (Edgar T.)back in the seventies in HighSchool that would tell me everyday that I was scum, a loser and would amount to nothing.
In front of the class he compared me to a bucket of sewage saying " You take a bucket of sewage and put it out to sit. After a time the contents begin to seperate. On the top you get a film and you can skim that off. That's not you. Next you have murky water. You can leave it to settle longer and it will become clearer. That's not you either. What is left is the slime that clings to the side and the smelly stinking disgusting chunks of waste at the very bottom. Your are that waste at the very bottom."
I just smiled and told him "thanks I appreciate that." He stared at me for what seemed an eternity. But I didn't give him the satisfaction he wanted.

I'm not angry at him now because that was a long time ago. I feel sorry for him as he must have felt talking to a student that way made him a big man somehow.

KT Did said...

Riding was a dream as a parents put a stop to that, i.e.: the minibike...then I wanted to mom came in and said to be quiet..same thing with the violin...I know have a "Lucy" voice and can't sing at all (except when I am in the car--think I'm good there). But, life goes on, I ride now, and well, still sing lousy like "Lucy" in the thing's for sure, I never say "you can't do that" to any kid....I let them make their own choices (unless it is harmful) thats the only way to grow and live.