Monday, February 13, 2006

The misadventures of, Slow Asa Hell, Moe lasses, Sir Drag Itout and Honey Drip.

today's adventure sees us with Mrs. Slow Asa Hell and her two step children, Mean Asa Hell and Brat Asa Hell. Their father, Stupid Asa Hell, was not able to be on the trip with them today as he was hanging out with his buddies down on the corner smokin Dat crack I guess.

Now Mrs. Slow Asa Hell is a hard working women trying to keep everything together but she only pays attention to her cell Phone when driving. She's never been in an accident herself but has caused over three hundred by her not paying attention on the road. She says that she loves her children dearly however, she never buckles them in their seats.
Today during rush hour traffic she heads down the on ramp to the expressway with five vehicles on her heals. You see, Mrs. Slow Asa Hell is so oblivious to her surroundings that she creeps her way down the asphalt entry. Traffic on the expressway is moving at a brisk pace of around seventy miles an hour. But she is creeping her way in her Maroon mini van all the way and never looks to see if it is safe to merge into traffic. She does not understand that the on ramp is designed for you to get up to expressway speed to enter.
So with her two kids bouncing around inside while she talks on the phone, Brat Asa Hell keeps getting in her face as he is standing up between the front seats then bounding back to the back. Like a ball he goes back and forth. Mean Asa Hell is smacking his mother on the head with a comic book as she swats at him looking over her right shoulder. But she never allows herself to deter her conversation or hang up the phone to watch the road as she slowly begins to move into traffic. Cars are rushing along and making evasive action as they quickly are forced to dart into the next lane to avoid a crash. This lane fills up so quickly with cars that the Semis, that are only allowed to ride in the two far right hand lanes, have no place to go. They begin to stand on the brakes to avoid hitting the other cars in their lane who are also trapped behind Mrs. Slow Asa Hell.
She is completely oblivious as to all of this and enters the expressway at the measly pace of..... forty miles per hour.

As all the vehicles slam on brakes and make hasty maneuvers around her, they honk and yell as they pass by. Mrs. Slow Asa Hell just keeps swatting at the children like she is swatting at flies who are relentless in their actions. She still never hangs up the phone or looks out of her window at the passing motorists that she has put into grave danger.

As we leave her now, we glance into our own rearview mirror to see two Semis abruptly switch lanes; nearly missing other vehicles who have to squeeze in dangerously to the next lane to avoid being squashed.

5 comments:

KT Did said...

The cell phones drive me crazy, even though I admit I have one and won't leave home without it...I do use my horn though all the time...I let them know I am watching...old age I guess and no patience...
KT

WooleyBugger said...

It's fine to carry a cell phone but there is a time and place to use it.
Over your way I'm sure that the use of the horn is needed more than here.
I don't use my horn that often myself. Sometimes someone might be asleep at ta light so I give a little toot toot. Others can be so impatient that they will lay on the horn even after the person begins moving and... keep on the horn for a block. That's just uncalled for.
I do know that I can be in neutral behind a car with an automatic and still get in gear before they even let off the brake. All they have to do is move their foot two inches over to the gas. I have to clutch, put in gear and give it gas all at the same time. This is time for the horn for me.
I wonder how much one of those diesel truck horns would drain my battery for those who like to pull out in front. hehe

KT Did said...

Yea!!! I forget where I read it, but, someone has a truck horn on their bike!!! Would love that...scare the beejeebies out of someone thinking there is a semi behind them!!!! HA!!!
KT

Billy Jones said...

There's an idea for you: Invent a LOUD horn that shouts, "Hang Up And Drive!"

WooleyBugger said...

I'd be a Gazillionaire over night wouldn't I.