Tuesday, February 07, 2006

You Might Be An Asshole If:

These hit me this week and I just had to do it. So here Goes.

You Might Be an Asshole if:

1) You drive a huge gas hog but never use the turn signals.

2) rather than use your cell phone to talk on while driving, you use the text messaging feature instead.

3) you are retired and decide that the best time of day to go out is, morning rush hour, afternoon rush hour and at lunch time.

4) you drive your car with the seat laid all the way reclined and turn up your stereo so that the booming drowns out the other persons peace and quiet.

5) you roar up behind another vehicle then switch lanes only to dart in front and stop to turn.

6) you borrow something and either bring it back broken or not at all.

7) at the theatre you keep talking during the movie annoying those around you.

8) in the theatre, you talk on the cell phone.

9) in the check out lane at the store you want the cashier to HOLD on while your friend runs back to get something you forgot.

10) you go to the express lane at the grocery store with two carts of groceries.

11) you call someone at dinner time and after they say "I'm eating dinner. Could I call you back?" You keep talking.

12) your driveway is long enough to hold eight cars side by side and you have two. But you rather park in the street directly behind the neighbors driveway.

13) at the drive through burger doodle window you keep changing your order and nobody in the car knows what they want.

14) at the same drive through your repeating your friends orders via the cell phone.

15) you pull out into traffic like a bat out of hell only to drive ten miles under the speed limit.

16) someone let's you pull out in front of them in traffic and you don't even give a thank you wave.

17) what the other person has to say is NEVER as important as what you have to say.

18) you buy the biggest most powerful vehicle you can find only to drive it as slow as you can and--- you can barely see over the steering wheel.

19) you allow your children to have free rein at the store crying and hollering and do nothing.

20) while walking your dog, you let him/her take a dump in the neighbors yard so he/she won't dump in your own.

21) you wear your ball cap sideways to keep the sun......out of your ear?

22) you pay $60 for pants that hang down to your knees when you could have a pair of grandpa's that look the same for free.

23) you drive your New SUV to the welfare office to pick up your welfare check.

24) you live off of the government and have better things then the working stiff down the road.

25) you think of an animal as a disposable item.

26) you have a handicap parking permit for a family member but you use it whether they are with you or not.

27) you don't have a handicap parking permit and you use the handicap parking space because it's closer.

28) your roommate and you work at the same place but you won't chip in for gas and you tell them "Your are going that way anyway."

29) you think that a motorcycle can stop faster because it is smaller.

30) you think an eighteen wheeler can stop faster because it has eighteen wheels.

31) you think everyone else should think like you.

32) you throw trash out the window of your vehicle.

33) you use the car in the parking spot next to yours to put your packages on while you fumble for your keys ; then drag the packages across their hood leaving scratch marks.

34) you park cross ways in a spot taking up two spaces.

35) you voice your opinions on child rearing when you have no children of your own.

36) you think everyone else's business is your business.

37) when the power goes out in an ice storm you ask a relative to use one of their grills. But not the charcoal grill because it's to much work.

38) you think the world owes you everything for free so you won't get a job.

39) you always say to people "Just be yourself" but only if it meets your approval.

40) your views on life are more important than anyone else's.

41) stop signs do not apply to you.

42) you never return a favor.

43) someone is trying to read that it means they have nothing to do so you try to find something for them to do.

44) your co-worker is on the phone with a customer and you keep trying to tell them what to say even though you can't hear the whole conversation.
These are just a few. What are yours?


KT Did said...

How about... You go the the bank...there is no one in line, just someone at the middle table filling out their deposit slip, you go straight on up... the person at the table turns to you and tells you--you are cutting in line!!?? Now that's an asshole!

Or... you go to a restaurant, hardly anyone is there, so many empty tables....the hostess tells you that section is closed and so is the other section--you have to wait 15 minutes to be seated.....fogetaboutit you assholes!!

Or... I tell my husband I need some money....he looks at me and says I just gave you five bucks last week.....HUGE--GIGANTIC Asshole!!

Gymi said...

How about driving while your eating cereal and using your cell phone as a spoon and steering with your knees. You just about covered everyone I could think of in your post.

WooleyBugger said...

He he he KT, I can relate to both of those.

Gymi, I've added more. It's kind of addictive.