Monday, March 27, 2006

Nightmare Returns

I had another nightmare last night. 7/07/05, every now and then, creeps back into my mind haunting me. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night. The whole ordeal began at the end of June in 2005. A post begun about it is at the beginning of my blog simply starting with "Last Thursday"which I put up on 7/07/05.
After this event happened to me things got to me a little at a time afterwards. For around ten hours I did not know if I was going to die or not. Law enforcement took away my life line that was helping me deal with it, my cell phone. I was ordered not to have any contact with anyone I knew outside of the people I was with at the scene.
But the worst part was being told that the open nerve gas canisters I had found inside a trucking container from overseas contained a very deadly nerve gas. I may never see my son again, after the brief visit from several feet for only a moment...,and then they were gone. But if your interested, you can read more about what happened on my entry of 7/07/05.

Depression began to creep in and the work situation and treatment at work got worse. So I quit them. I took the first thing I could find that turned out to be terrible and a dead end. I needed a change somewhere in my life. Things that I long to do because now I feel very mortal seem even more pressing than ever. I have to do something to get some enjoyment in my life as life itself is so very short. I'm tired of having to put things off until tomorrow because... From what happened on that June morning back in 2005 keeps reminding me with the wakeups.

I feel the need to accomplish something of importance... And yes for me. Because if I don't have me, my can I bring happiness to others?

(Something more positive tomorrow. I promise.)


scaredofu said...

Hey Wooley, wasn't there more to this post a little while ago? I checked in but the little one was crying and I needed to take care of him.

Anyway, I am sorry. I don't know what I would do if it happened to me.

Good luck with what you need to do in your life.

WooleyBugger said...

Hi scaredofu.

Yes, there was more to this post but I felt it went a little off the main topic. So I did a little editing.

Thanks for noticing though.

The HawRiver Fire Chief did get a little note from me about the treatment. I couldn't believe that this whole thing was so serious but they would have myself, and two others, sit in the hot sun on a pile of gravel with an under armed guard for several hours. This chemical, we were told, was extremely deadly if inhaled or absorbed through the skin. So they make us sit in hot sun and do not give us the special shower until 5 or so hours later. They weren't even going to let us use the bathroom until one of the men with me said arrest me as he went to pee.
News crews showed up outside the fence but left after, I guess, nobody had died yet.