I had another nightmare last night. 7/07/05, every now and then, creeps back into my mind haunting me. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night. The whole ordeal began at the end of June in 2005. A post begun about it is at the beginning of my blog simply starting with "Last Thursday"which I put up on 7/07/05.
After this event happened to me things got to me a little at a time afterwards. For around ten hours I did not know if I was going to die or not. Law enforcement took away my life line that was helping me deal with it, my cell phone. I was ordered not to have any contact with anyone I knew outside of the people I was with at the scene.
But the worst part was being told that the open nerve gas canisters I had found inside a trucking container from overseas contained a very deadly nerve gas. I may never see my son again, after the brief visit from several feet for only a moment...,and then they were gone. But if your interested, you can read more about what happened on my entry of 7/07/05.
Depression began to creep in and the work situation and treatment at work got worse. So I quit them. I took the first thing I could find that turned out to be terrible and a dead end. I needed a change somewhere in my life. Things that I long to do because now I feel very mortal seem even more pressing than ever. I have to do something to get some enjoyment in my life as life itself is so very short. I'm tired of having to put things off until tomorrow because... From what happened on that June morning back in 2005 keeps reminding me with the 3.am wakeups.
I feel the need to accomplish something of importance... And yes for me. Because if I don't have me, my happiness...how can I bring happiness to others?
(Something more positive tomorrow. I promise.)