I wanna Write Something Happy
I want to write something happy but for some reason I can't find anything. It's been a rough few weeks and my struggles are within myself. For some strange reason I've been having vivid dreams at night but I also find it hard to go to sleep. Once I lay down I'm a goner quicker than light from a faraway star can travel. It's just, I don't know, life I guess or the lack of it or perhaps the loss of it. Getting older is part of it along with the loss of several family members in the last two years. Just a couple of Thanksgivings ago one of my brothers and his wife had the big feast at their place. They had this big old farm type house on several acres. It's one of those old places with a real rocking chair porch that went two thirds of the way around the place. Family from all over the states were there and it was the first time we had all been in one place at the same time in years. There was no squabbling, only laughter, brothers playing music and singing, joke telling and funny stories about each other and so on. One of my uncles who came down with his wife stated that they were glad they made it and remarked: "The way things happen this will probably be the last time we are all ever going to be together like this." Little did we know how right he was, a few months later he and my aunt had been out to dinner with friends, cutting up, dancing and having a good time. When they got home the two of them were talking then he got up to go to the restroom and my aunt heard a big crash from across the house, she found him on the floor, gone just like that. No warning, no sickness and he had just been to the doctor for a full physical only days before. We were all stunned at the news.
One thing it hit me last week was wondering what, who and how my second son would be like. He would have been close to ten now. At least we all had one great week of time together, and I had never thought of it before, we all had a nice vacation at Disney. Maybe the Lord felt I had a bit much on my plate at the time and knew some things would come to light that would need to be dealt with. But I like to think that his little light was needed more somewhere else at that moment in time.
Dwelling on it to much won't make things any different but I am sad that my fifteen year old has no sibling to share things with the way only brothers can share things.