Friday, May 29, 2009

I wanna Write Something Happy

I want to write something happy but for some reason I can't find anything. It's been a rough few weeks and my struggles are within myself. For some strange reason I've been having vivid dreams at night but I also find it hard to go to sleep. Once I lay down I'm a goner quicker than light from a faraway star can travel. It's just, I don't know, life I guess or the lack of it or perhaps the loss of it. Getting older is part of it along with the loss of several family members in the last two years. Just a couple of Thanksgivings ago one of my brothers and his wife had the big feast at their place. They had this big old farm type house on several acres. It's one of those old places with a real rocking chair porch that went two thirds of the way around the place. Family from all over the states were there and it was the first time we had all been in one place at the same time in years. There was no squabbling, only laughter, brothers playing music and singing, joke telling and funny stories about each other and so on. One of my uncles who came down with his wife stated that they were glad they made it and remarked: "The way things happen this will probably be the last time we are all ever going to be together like this." Little did we know how right he was, a few months later he and my aunt had been out to dinner with friends, cutting up, dancing and having a good time. When they got home the two of them were talking then he got up to go to the restroom and my aunt heard a big crash from across the house, she found him on the floor, gone just like that. No warning, no sickness and he had just been to the doctor for a full physical only days before. We were all stunned at the news.
One thing it hit me last week was wondering what, who and how my second son would be like. He would have been close to ten now. At least we all had one great week of time together, and I had never thought of it before, we all had a nice vacation at Disney. Maybe the Lord felt I had a bit much on my plate at the time and knew some things would come to light that would need to be dealt with. But I like to think that his little light was needed more somewhere else at that moment in time.
Dwelling on it to much won't make things any different but I am sad that my fifteen year old has no sibling to share things with the way only brothers can share things.


Lady Ridesalot said...

Your post moved me. I'm very sorry you had to suffer the worst pain any parent ever has to go through... losing a child. My heart goes out to you.

I think your heart is in the right place though, believing that God had his reasons, and being thankful for your week in Disney Land. It's cherished time.

I'm also glad you and your family had your reunion with all present. That will carry many of you through tough times, knowing you had that gift of family... right then.

Your other son is probably also wondering about his brother... who he would have been, what he might like to do. I'm sure he misses him as you do, but together, you can keep his memory alive... in your hearts.

I've been lurking around your blog for sometime now, and I hope you don't mind my commenting on such a personal level. Like I said... for some reason, this post moved me and I felt compelled to let you know I was here.

Lady R.

WooleyBugger said...

thanks lady Ridesalot: No I don't mind your comments in the least, in fact they are welcome much appreciated and thoughtful wordage. I'm not trying to be a downer by posting that.
Your comments were found just as I learned today that a friend I have not spoken with for most of a year has just had a brain tumor removed that was found two months ago. He is at a stage four which I understand is about the worst. Other cancer was found elsewhere and he can not speak as it is now.
Thanks again for your comments and yes, they are always welcome.

Chuck said...


i sure hope things will look up for you soon. you are too nice of a person to have to feel depressed the way you do. email me anytime that you need to talk, i may not be a doctor but perhaps i can give so support and advice. i know that i am young but i too have been through a lot in my life. you will be o.k. just keep looking up and don't give up on happiness. life can be cruel sometimes, but for a person like you, the good karma that you carry should be to your benefit.

WooleyBugger said...

hey Chuck,

I hope things look up soon to. It just seems I'm getting hit with stuff from all sides so I just keep trying to hang in there, you know.
Thanks for the offer to talk, be careful I might do it.

Chuck said...

seriously, i might be busy, but i will make time time to talk to you anytime you need. you were there for me when i needed someone to talk to. who knows i may need someone to talk to myself again one day. just drop me a line man.


"Joker" said...

I wish I didn't appreciate this as much as I do, but I often wonder what my brother would have been like had he lived past 2.

I know exactly how your son feels and sometimes it is difficult. Growing up alone was very tough. For my folks, losing a child was tougher. I honestly don't think my father ever got over it before he died. My mother doesn't remember much of anything I talk to her about for very long after we talk, but my little brother is as clear in her mind as if his last day was yesterday.

I am truly sorry that you share this pain. I really don't know what else to say other than you are not alone.

WooleyBugger said...

I truly appreciate your comment here. I know what you and your family are going through has got to be a tuff situation and for you to take time to address mine says a lot. Thanks man