Saturday, October 03, 2009

Some Things Gotta Go

I think Elvis should have made the line "Caught in a trap, and I can't walk out..." should have been more like "I'm stuck in a rut, and I can't climb out..."

Over the years of blogging I have had other readers come and go, some long timers dropped me like a hot exhaust pipe bolt before getting blisters; is it any wonder? Looking back on things I have tried to do, starting my motorcycle magazine for one, it's just not going to happen. All the time and effort I had put into it lead to problem after problem. There were advertisers that contacted me back, writers who were willing to come on board, printers I had spoken with etc, etc but I just don't have and don't know how to get the backing I needed to obtain print off. It is another industry that the more you get to digging in you find hidden things that never occurred. Potential advertisers wanted to know what my circulation was. How can a new start up have a circulation record of any type? Then there was the magazine owner/editor with whom talked to me at great length, which I appreciated, but told me an online magazine was the way to go these days. There was also a couple of magazines who asked me to submit articles sounding all excited to have something different but then never put in print.
Henry Thoreau and others of his time went through the same ordeal in a way about getting articles in print. What happened to them, sorta the same as I, were rejections coming back because it didn't fit the magazines profile. They, Thoreau, Alcott I think Channing plus a couple of others was to produce their own Magazine called "The Dial" which had their own ideals and format to suit them. Many of Thoreaus' writings were never in print until after his death and that bites.

Not only is it the magazine I am struggling with letting go but other items to. I know that being a Bass player in some fine band is long, long gone. That was something that I hung up for the biggest part years ago. Picking up that four stringed piece of thundering, window rattling hunk of wood and electronics and knowing my way around it's fretboard is mostly forgotten now. Though I have picked it up every now and then I have pretty much forgotten how to play it. Was a time that I played it all day long every day by ear and feel. Now, the ear is gone and so is the feel for it. The darned thing sat in a closet for the better part of probably, jeez, eighteen or twenty years and I've had it for almost thirty three years. But off and on the feeling would return so it'd come out from the dust only for me to find the notes were being lost as it was a struggle to play it. There was a time when I held it and didn't have to think about playing it I just played it.

Not trying to be a downer here but that is what I am doing isn't it? Feeling sorry for myself. Three deaths in the family this year along with two friends having strokes and another still with a brain tumor within two years is wearing on me. All three of these friends worked hard towards their dreams, saving and waiting, pursuing and waiting as if all of the tomorrows will keep coming. Then they each wake up one morning to find everything is changed and those chances are gone. Now they can't do anything because mounting medical bills eat them up

I have to stop this thinking of big pursuits and narrow it all down to just two or three bucket list goals. You have to have patience but at some point you just have to stop being patient and get on with it, anything, something before it is to late in the game. Sometimes needed changes are hard, just so hard to accomplish. The repercussions on any decision can be monumental but do you take the chance and all the heartache that comes with it, or do you just stay in the rut. I am so in the rut that I am loosing the desire for so many passions I once had. This is not how I envisioned my life turning out this far in the game. Nobodies life goes as planned to the letter but you get stuck going down a path farther and farther until the turnaround's get fewer and fewer. " I gotta get out of this place, if it's the last thing I ever do..." This rut is the place I have to get out of so my goals and dreams are being reduced by me and some have to be let go of. Next week I may change my mind but it has been a long time coming and frankly, it scares the hell out of me.
Two things everyone needs to get rid of are rear view mirrors and yellow light goals. With rear view mirrors you only see where you've been and not where you are going, and yellow lights hold you back, slow you down and make you nervous to proceed.

8 comments:

Lady Ridesalot said...

Great post Wooley!

Life sucks sometimes... thanks for reminding us so!

I'm understand the content of your publication may NOT be what your having problems with, but the advertising support. It's tough right now and I hope it still works out for you. Remember this... I love to write. I don't have any money, but if you DO get this rag up and running, I'd love to write for you. I don't want any $$, just the chance to get my words out there.

Taking a trip down memory lane with with the bass... priceless. I hang on to things like that too. Even though it's not an active part of your life now... it's still a big part of who you are.

Changing our direction during life probably happens more often than we realize. It's just harder to allow it, when we feel strongly about what has to change.

Keep the faith and don't give up. The next step you take may be the one that crests over that rut! :)

mq01 said...

in my mind, i can still see a loving rider and family running a biker inn in the woods...

rear view mirrors are a reflection of yesterday, nothing more.

yellow lights, fears, strongholds, resistance,lack of complete dedication, these are some the reason dreams stay only dreams...

this has been a tough year wooley. dont let it get to you. dont let lifes bullshit have that power. its always darkest before dawn...

FLHX_Dave said...

Every successful person has failed over, and over, and over again. Then again Wooly...what is your gauge for success? ahhhhh...You already have done more than most people I know just in your attempts. THAT says alot.

Plan without execution is a waste of a plan. Execution without a plan is wasted effort. Balance both and it will happen. Plans never work as planned and alter it when you can. Most people don't have the desire or knowhow to do both. They are good at one or the other. Stick to what you know and love because you are gonna need the passion to make it when it gets hard.

Sounds to me like you are on the right track just because of the failures...I know failure probably more than most people only because I have stuck my neck out there so many times. You know what? I don't regret it. Sure I'm disappointed but at least I took a swing and didn't go down without a good fight.

awww crap...there I go again, sorry. Just I know VERY WELL where you are coming from. Oh yeah...there is another point...What are you willing to sacrifice? Sometimes that sacrifice is not worth realizing the dream...been there too by the way.

"Use your gifts or they will be given to someone else."

Man, I'll keep it shorter next time. geeezzzz...Oh yeah, are you still considering the online mag deal?

WooleyBugger said...

Shoot, I don't know where to begin with all these great feedback comments.

Lady Ridesalot, ad dollars are getting harder to come by as more companies pull back because of the economy. Everyone wants a piece of the pie only the pies aren't as big as they use to be. I'd need to get quarkexpress or one similar to do up the formatting to send to the printer as I just can't find anyone who does printing the old way anymore. Not to forget that I was wanting someone (printer)local so I could look at proofs before the press ran off copies with screw ups in it.

My son is trying to learn the bass now. When he was a little younger I bought him a Yamaha six string because he wanted to play one and my bass guitar was definatly off limits to he and his friends then. I know that he had snuck the bass off its display spot and my mic's to at times but I never said anything. Being sneaky made it more fun I think. Now I know he will respect it and I encourage him to mess with it whenever he likes, and he does.

mq01,
This Inn thing would be oh so fun with meeting new faces and seeing old ones again. There are many things that could be done with it I feel sure. I've always loved the mountains and did live for a time in the mountains of Georgia before it began getting so populated with all those rich folks buying up land for weekend get-a-ways. Living in a $400,000 + home in the city and then having a $400,000 + home for a weekend retreat is beyond me. They want to get away from it all but brought it all with them. AARRRGGGG.
My place would not have anything but rustic simple ameneties with low impact on the land and area. I'd want it to be as natural as possible with a few very small cabins, mostly tenting area, a little BYO cantina area with a fireplace.
I have found three properties that are within my range and looking for others. I also have a friend that might, might could stay there year round as cartaker while I keep my day job to get it rolling along. However there are lots to consider family wise. My son has one more year of Highschool and I can't think about relocating him this late in the game for my own personal venture. Of course there isn't anything to keep me from getting something going towards the goal though. If I decide I want to do it.

.

WooleyBugger said...

FLHX_Dave,
You always have great insightful comments and feedback that like all of you, keeps me looking forward. Don't worry about long responses (I had to split these cause it was to long for blogger) as I rather have the ones I get from all of you that say something instructive.
I keep plugging at different things hoping to find what will work well for me. I love to write but, well you already know my thoughts on that about getting published again by someone else. I would fall down, curl up in a ball and wail from joy if I was picked up and allowed to travel around doing stories from the road. I can just see myself blubbering down the road from being so happy being able to do that. You know, sorta like when my son was born kind of joy.
Plan execution is a tough one as I get going deeper and deeper into it and find myself getting lost with to many things to look into. I am afraid to step back though at that point for fear of losing sight of the prize. But I did do it all the way, top to bottom with my concert promotion gig and felt so good even after it flopped over. It was a hell of a ride that not many people will ever experience so it was all worth it to me. Thats one thing I have not one regret about at all, plus I can say I did it while others only dream it. Maybe not wanting to be filthy rich from it but just enough to be comfortable was my downfall. Some people are afraid to succeed but I desire it and keep looking for the right combination.
At the Tuck Inn I could ride, write and live happy with much less. I already had an idea for another Inn half way between here and the coast for those winter months called "The Go Tuck Yourself Two Inn" just for a hoot. Now I do know of a place and area for that one already.

The online mag was something I was considering. A friend could help out some showing me how to do the web stuff cause I'm just not in the know about how all that works. He just would show me the basics and then let me try to fiquire the rest myself becaue of time constrants on him. If I knew more about doing a website I'd jump on it probably, just don't have the needed help to do it. I just have to decide on which dreams I want to hang on to and which ones to let go of.
Let me say one more thing here, I have tried a few things and to be honest with customers in one venture only to be left holding the bag. Had customers who didn't pay in my home based small engine shop that ate into my already small bottom line that I had to eat, and that my friend made me give that dream up.

But hey! If ya got any ideas on the mag let's hear them. It still has a heart beat in it for now.

mq01 said...

have you ever watched "the secret"? check it out. there is an analogy in it that rings true (i wont get into why its true here, that could be long winded...). but anyways, the analogy used; imagine riding at night, you can only see whats in the headlight, 100-200 ft ahead, yet you can cross the country this way, 100-200 ft at a time. in others words, you dont have to identify every step of the way, things will unfold.

what is important is that you do something, whatever it takes to be happy. so follow your dream(s). do something with all your heart, soul, and passion. you will make it work. the law of attraction doesnt fail.

i can see it. nice property, a few small studio cabins, a few tent spaces, bikes safe and sound with maybe an area for bikewash or repairs, a firepit for late nights. a place where nature is undisturbed, where friends from across the country can meetup. and i think you have already mastered how to advertise it in the bike and travel mags. i can see it wooley.

WooleyBugger said...

I can see it too mq01 as the fun relaxing place to come stay. It would have to be a place without all the things like t'v's and fancy stuff. It has to be a place to get away from all that and enjoy other riders companionship and riding plus just enjoy the outdoors.

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