Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's Good To Be Alive

He was my friend, and I found out today he lost his battle with a brain tumor. Gil was a person who would listen to all my bitching and griping yet still liked being around me. He would encourage all my hair brained ideas and give moral support when needed. He was there for me several years ago when I needed a friend when others were turning their backs on me. Yes, Gil was a great friend that I'd only been able to see twice in the last three years. I can't help but think he was a better friend to me than I was to him.

Just over a year ago he began waking up to headaches that just wouldn't go away and they kept getting worse by the day until he couldn't take it any longer. The Doctor ran tests and found a golf ball sized tumor and ordered surgery. During surgery they screwed up running tubes down his throat and screwed up his larynx rendering him almost speechless, another surgery was done immediately to repair the damage they had caused. Another friend had called me to tell me that Gil had had the surgery to repair his voice but mostly all Gil could do was whisper a word or two. It was hard for him to speak I was told. I had wanted to call but his wife had said he really wasn't able to speak and it frustrated him not being able to say what he wanted to say. It must be painful and scary to know your time is near and all you can do is lay there waiting.

It's terrible I know but I could not bring myself to go see him like that. Most times he was out of it or terribly depressed I gather. I knew in my heart that there was no way I could keep a happy cheerful front up were I there. Dealing with my own mothers recent passing I just couldn't bear seeing him like that, the anger, the sadness, the realization, under such heavy meds to deal with the pain. But I do see him as he was in the pictures in my mind, the happy proud father, faithful husband who adored his wife, budding new business owner, and knowing you built a fine dream home with your hands for your family.

It makes me be thankful though in a strange eye opening sort of way; It's good to be alive. I'm not looking for sympathy, I just needed to put down some wordage for a brother lost.


FLHX_Dave said...

Hey, This is why this damned thing is up here.

The way I see it you did better than show up. He wants you to see him just they way you describe. My heart goes out.

You know...our brother Rico doesn't want to see us right now. He doesn't want us to see him in his current state. Maybe your friend didn't want that either.


WooleyBugger said...

thanks Dave, you seem to be on the same playing field as I most the time. We understand each other in some erie way. Sometimes what you post up is exactly what I've been dealing with or thinking. We must ride together and have a sit down sometime and share a few stories and laughs.
Your damn righteous in my book.