T'was the night before Christmas
T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Nothing was stirring, not even my spouse
When down in the den there came a big crash
It was old Saint Nick, he was looking for cash
I snuck down the stairs to have me a peek
Watching in silence at the old sneak
He shook one package and then another
"Well, this will be good for Sammy's big brother"
The small package it went right into the sack
As he took from my plate, another quick snack
Taking a swallow of some more of the eggnog
"Always the same drink I must post on my blog"
"Some Jack Daniels for a change, it would be fine
All this sweet stuff is making me look like a swine
Come to all of these houses hoping to score
But looking like this it don't happen no more"
No one ever really thinks about me
You know, sometimes, Santa's got to pee"
I stepped out and called him a big whiner
That's when he gave me the really nice shiner
Lying on the floor with my fresh broken nose
While up the cold chimney the fat man he rose
He took all the presents and left the tree bare
Next year I'll be sure and show him I care