When I was a kid I used to make my mind go blank. My mind is always going on with something these days. It will go from one thing to another in fragment thoughts. But when younger, as I said, I would practice to see if I could just go blank. Find a quiet spot, get comfortable and focus out all the noise. It would give me a peaceful feeling that I am not able to do now.
I had to do this back then because...My innocence of childhood became interrupted. It was the ultimate way of escape and survival. Looking back now I can see how this period in my childhood changed me. It makes it hard for me to let people get to close for fear of the outcome.
When your a child and everyone has left you behind, it makes things tough. When your whole family has been ripped apart by something beyond your control; you still think some part of it was your fault. For me it was like living in hell. To a child, time went on forever and a year seems much longer than it does today. Simple things like the soothing sound of rain coming down or a gentle breeze brought a brief joy. Butterflies kissing flowers, a squirrel gathering nuts and the soft glow of the gas lamp dancing on the snow could bring peacefulness to the otherwise world of loneliness and fear. I began to see and appreciate simple things. It also gave me the compassion for people that others look down on or make fun of.
Even though eventually I was allowed to go live with my father; tension was high between us and not until many years later did we really talk. But to this day we have never been able to discuss that period in our lives.
People who know what I went through and do not respect me for being able to overcome it as well as I think I have; can go jump. Things that I've been through in
I had everything I'd ever known as a child taken away from me in the wink of an eye. It wasn't my fault and if your a kid going through it; anything like it...It's not yours either. Just remember that.